An abundance of opportunity

Drinking: apple cinnamon neocitrin...it tastes like hot apple cider and it has tylenon and 2 other drugs I can't pronounce in it...the combination promises to make me feel wonderful. It is in my large green Capricorn/Jiminy Cricket mug because I felt it would be too sweet if I only put 1 cup of water in, I was right.

The theme verse at camp was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" which led to the staff campfire sharing theme to be "What is God's calling on your life?" I did not have to share, but it did get me thinking and I realized a pattern in the opportunities I had been given recently.

This pattern is one that has led me to believe that I am being called to intentionally involve myself in community.

NOT in a Life Together House kind of way (I'm way too selfish to want to spend all my time with people...I like the idea of "My space"), but in a get-out-there-and-be-involved kind of way.

What is leading me to think this way? Let me enlighten you:

1. I went to Israel with a group of people I didn't know, or hardly knew and really enjoyed it. I love all the people on that trip and would love to see them all again sometime in some setting.

2. I was asked out to camp where I made some new Faith Covenant Church Winnipeg friends, and chatted with some people I kind of know but don't really know well (Nadine, Shauna). It was good, and I'm grateful for the time I spent with them all.

3. Going to the wedding was a strange decision I felt like I couldn't say no to, and then the fact that it meant so much to Josh that we were there confirmed that it was the right thing to do, and that reinforced the fact that the sense of community is not just my own belonging, but it is also something I am responsible to foster in others.

4. Tonight I was wondering if I should go to the Weather Permitting thing tomorrow and I had decided not to, VERY shortly after an e-mail invitation from Jeff and Darlene to our small group was sent to encourage us to come to the Weather Permitting thing.

5. I rode in a car for 5 hours with Gavin and we chatted the entire way. I'm not lying. It's true. You can ask him. I talked, and I don't think I was terribly awkward.

6. When I was gone adventuring, I missed my small group. I realized they are like my Winnipeg family (even though I am not yet ready or comfortable with the idea of Faith Covenant Winnipeg as my family, the small group is my family).

7. I am moving again soon, and need a truck, and wouldn't mind some help hauling my stuff up to the 3rd floor. In order to get any of this without just being ridiculous and hiring a moving company I will need to ask people for help. This is a challenge because I'm realizing how addicted I am to my own independence, which I suppose is not how Christ wants us to live.

8. I went to Saskatoon Covenant Church on Sunday and the message was, in a roundabout kind of way, about not separating ourselves or holding ourselves apart from others (be they believers or not).

9. At camp I had this incredible conversation with Andrea about the Covenant and how it is a bit challenging to come into it as an outsider. She has a magic pass though, if it gets awkward she can say she someone's granddaughter and then she GETS HUGS. Can you believe it? I am taking this as a sign to do something about that and try to talk to people at church. They probably don't bite.

10. B and I played Apples to Apples tonight...and by played Apples to Apples I mean we built towers out of stacks of the cards. This reminded me of SFG and I really wanted to send out an e-mail to everyone, but am slightly afraid they will all be really annoyed. I might do it anyway. We'll see.

There were a few other things, but the Neocitrin is kicking in and making my thoughts difficult to pay attention to. So, I am going to sleep. I look forward to your blogging. Here is a random picture of Briony after the strawberry farm field trip I took her on:

It's been a long week. Kimbo was in Mexico, so I was holding down the fort alone in the office, and having apartment showings during the week, I feel like all I did was clean, work and sleep. And that's pretty much the truth.

I miss stimulation when I live a life where all I do is a few activities in daily repitition, I find myself more and more tired as well when I live like that.

I cannot wait to move, seriously cannot wait. We'll have 2 spare rooms, so you (and whoever else is reading this :D ) should and can come visit once in a while! It will be great to have access to a yard for Murph. Speaking of Murph, his tragic hair incident is starting to grow back, hallelujah! I can look at him without pity again, which is swell. Ha.

I didn't do the beverage part, because, well, I'm breaking the rules and not drinking anything. Mostly because I only just put the water on and it hasn't even boiled yet. When I am drinking something, it will be Jessie's Tea, a lovely David's concoction by the one and only Jessie Farrell. Delectable.

Right now Hoarders is on tv, if I'm ever showing hoarding tendencies please make Kris take me on vacation and steal my credit card and hire someone to fix it. Please don't ever let me do that. Not that I plan to, but I'm just saying.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to Capital Ex AND A Taste of Edmonton, you probably should be jealous of this. Also, Edmonton's poutine restaurant is incredibly delicious. Christen and I had it on Friday night and it was excellent! We had a bbq chicken poutine and a garden poutine, both of which I'd highly recommend. It pretty much puts all other poutine to shame, and that's a pretty bold statement.

So, this is another random blog, but I think that's about as much as I have in me today. I'm just tired as heck. Maybe tonights sleeep will help me catch myself back up on rest, that would be splendid.

Love you lots n lots!

of Camp and Such

Drinking: water with a lemon wedge. It's room temperature now, so it actually counts as a hot beverage. I am not even exaggerating. It is THAT hot. It is in a red plastic cup made just like the plastic cups at camps all across our nation.

Today I have handed out a lot of bandaids. At least 5. Which, considering that they are just tiny itty bitty scrapes means that by the time this game they are playing is over, I will have handed out some more. Note to self: when sending hypothetical future children to camp, pack them their own bandaids so they are not always having to track down the nurse. One girl comes running up to me with her arm extended to show me and says "I sprayed bug spray on it and now it's burning! What do I do?" While her twin brother stands at my cabin door bellowing "nurse I need you" so I could put a bandaid on his toe which he had stubbed on a root a few hours ago. I find this amusing. And a great break from "normal" nursing.

Today I have literally sweat buckets. It is gross. And because it rained a tiny bit last night it was extra humid today. I took a shower and broke out into a sweat the second I turned the water off. It is unreal. The last time I sweat this much I was climbing a mountain in Spain with a backpack on my back and the sun shining on me. Not sitting on the deck studying!!

For some reason I am being melancholy. I think it's because I spend all day with various people who talk about their kids or having babies and talk to their spouses all day long. Nadine. Anno. Shauna. Erik. Gavin. It makes me feel so so doomed to be single forever. Since everyone I ever meet or see around is not single.

Boo. But this is not a "boo I'm single post" this is a "the heat is killing my post". My hair is literally drenched. And it is dripping off my face. And there is absolutely no way to escape it.

Oy. I think this is getting long, but have no way to actually tell, so I'm going to end it here. I may or may not post a picture, but I don't think I have one to post, so next time for sure!

I hope you are well, and have a good rest after your long day with no breaks and your late night of cleaning!! LOVE YOU!!

This should be a picture of the wood panelling my cabin that I HATE.

of ambitions and meanderings

drinking: soda water with pom-mango juice. about a 50/50 mix. not a warm beverage, but a delicious one.

because i want to, i'm going to blog in all lower case today. huzzah.

i just texted you and said i'm partially done this blog. true, but i didn't say i'm 3 sentences and a title deep. i just haven't blogged in so long that i don't know where to start. so i thought i'd start with the joy of this week, and how it's brought about a lot of thoughts on purpose, ambition and the sort.

on monday, i made my way to that blessed place, cov bay. there is traipsed with k through the field, into the 'barracks', and onto the dock, where we lay in the sun, gnarly lake water splashing at our backs, and our skin turning a lovely shade of red. and we talked and talked and talked. and a lot about our ambitions. it seems 25-ish is a good a time as any to realize the trajectory you're on, and decide if it's the one you want, or if you need to change it before you're in too deep.

i realize, right now i'm in limbo. i'm working a good job, but nothing that really betters me or allows me to better others. it's good hours and good pay and a good location, it's just 'good' and so i feel like i'm settling for comfortable, but the thing is, i don't even feel like there's a chance i could take right now that would lead to greater fulfilment in the work place. so it's limbo.

i crave the role of 'motherhood', and feel like part of my life's calling is as a mother, to raise up children who will better their world and who will be good, hardworking, compassionate, loving, generous folks. an enormous duty, but one i strongly desire to embrace. but that one seems to be out of my control.

so i decided to throw some of my ambition into physical activity, that's going well. i seem rather committed, and there's a pay off in that i feel great and i'm eating better now too. i'm trying to do a better job of being transparent, and of communicating with those in my life. altho i also often am awful to plan something with in advance (sorry morgan, i do so want to skype, and i suck for canceling). i don't want to fill my life with pseudo purpose or things that will deafen out the sounds of an empty home and a sense of missing things. but i do recognize that limbo is a rough place to sit. it's hard to know what to run with, and what to wait on when you're life is a myriad of what if's.

and so i live in the highropes of what if's. and for the most part, it doesn't drive me too crazy. and so i meander, i dabble here, i dabble there. and i never commit to anything that's 6+ months away, because i walk the what if tight rope, and that tight rope never lets me give up hope.

and as for the meanderings, they keep my heart light and my soul joyful. i love the stories of those in my life, i love their adventures and their passions and to chat with them over a meal or a tea. and i'm so very thankful for them in my life. and i'm thankful that regardless of circumstance and situation, i'm not bitter. that i feel joy and that i feel hope, and that i still feel genuine happiness for others and i pray that never fades. that regardless of where life goes, i always remain me.

i've been to the eco twice in the last week and a bit, and i have to say, the new menu is not as good as the old. and that's lame. i am pretty sure you agree.

we're off camping tomorrow, then to a b&b at bragg creek for our anniversary, so i may not even have internet access when it's my turn again, but i'll do the best i can. and i'll try to remember to take a picture or two while i'm at it, so my post isnt pictureless like this one is.

i love you lots and lots and lots and i missed you oh so much while you were gone. this is such a rambling blog, but it's the one i've written. so here goes...

Back to Our Regular Programming?

Drinking: a smoothie. In a plastic cup with a green straw. The smoothie is SO GOOD, I have no idea what I put in it (there is frozen spinach....but that's NOT what makes it awesome...there's a lot of fruit, and orange-hibiscus green tea). It is not a hot drink, but it is hot/muggy/needs to rain AND it's my lunch.

Now that the excuses part of this blog are done let us move on to the more lovely things...

1. There is a pot of a bunch of things that were in the freezer that are going to become some sort of soup (also never be able to reproduce this soup). It smells like cabbage and beets right now. Yum. There is also a frozen chicken on the bottom of the pot. It's turning purple.

2. There are some banana's defrosting on the table so I can make banana muffins with chocolate chips. Need I say more?

3. There is also ground elk on the counter defrosting so Des and I can make burgers for supper with those little flat buns. I'm looking forward to supper!

4. I still have to unpack, since taking everything out of my duffel bag and dumping it on my bed is not working out too well. It's getting difficult to tell which things are clean and which are not...I'm starting to have to actually try to remember what I wore and when. Or smell things.

5. This week is busy. Monday to Thursday I am working 8-4 in the kidney transplant clinic (I'm orientating to the clinic so I can pick up the shifts when the nurses there go on vacation), and then Friday and Saturday I work nights. Then (also) on Monday I'm going to the Wright's for supper and then babysitting B while L+G go for a date evening; Tuesday I have to make something to take to small group BBQ; Wednesday I am going to the BBQ. I may be busy, but if you blog, I'll blog ;)...I think that will make Morgan happy.

6. I REALLY missed you while I was gone. Pretty sure you were the first person I said anything to when I got off the plane in Toronto. I LOVED adventuring and wished it didn't have to end, BUT I am glad to have you at the other end of my BlackBerry Messenger again.

7. That being said, I am considering an iphone. When we had wifi in Spain, I really liked using k's. At any rate, whatever I choose, we can still communicate via text, and then there's always this, our semi-neglected, but totally loved blog.

8. I own 3 vegan cookbooks. My favourite place to eat is vegan. I have no intention of becoming a vegetarian, let alone a vegan. However, I do like to dabble in these new and interesting and generally yummy recipes. Granted 2 of the cookbooks are STRICTLY bakeing and sweets. The newest one is a giant book of lots of great looking recipes.

9. I really really really don`t want to clean my room. Sigh. It makes me tired just thinking of it. In fact, this morning I went up to clean, but caught up on the episodes of How I Met Your Mother that i missed while I was gone. And one episode of The Big Bang Theory. This is why I went down to organize the freezer and make a list of everything in it...so I wouldn`t have to deal with my room...or watch anymore TV.

10. I`m gonna go over to Safeway now to get some ketchup and milk. (Interestingly, ketchup and milk were hard to come by in Spain...so as I thought `ketchup` I instantly felt -what I am going to call- "Camino sick" (like homesick, but missing the camino instead of home...which I also miss, but I am well, and happy in Winnipeg. Life if good).

Love you dearly!



This is a photo of me holding the mountains we were going to cross...although I'm pretty sure we didn't cross those exact peaks.

lackluster

hot water with lemon. cuz i can. in a big brown on brown mug.

I'm wiped this week, maybe I'm getting old and relying on my routine too much. With working Tuesday, Wednesday off but busy-busy, Thursday was work-massage-work-busy, yesterday and today were just work busy. And I'm tired, and lately I haven't been tired. So that's lame. and all those blog ideas are out the window cuz I'm just kind of lackluster.

And so I'm watching HGTV, drinking hot water with lemon, cuddling my puppy and thinking about retiring to bed with a book. Did I mention it's 8:30. But I promised a blog, and so blogging I am. And this blog is like me, lackluster.

Tomorrow is church and maybe tea shopping to follow. And maybe a new pretty outfit for Monday, which holds (after a few hours of errand in the city running with Tahra, Renae and Jacob) a fashion show and dinner at the Red Piano. And I can't imagine what I'll wear, so I'm waiting to hear what others will wear and thinking I'll probably end up hunting tomorrow. But maybe I can go to Kingsway, they have Teopia :) That'd be a fun switcheroo.

The as mentioned massage is part of the fixing my clenching in my sleep that's causing lock jaw. That and facing some of my stressors head on and deconstructing them. It's a process. But, it's going well. and sometimes I get a little giddy when I'm productive and knock things off my to do list of pay off a chunk of debt. And maybe I'm a nerd, but I like that :) Oh growing up, what a journey it is.

That book and bed are beckoning me. I love you.

I havent a picture. I'll do better, next time, I promise.

Twitterpated

Rhubard Meringue tea (it's cold now) in my Wicked mug.

Even though I am the last person on earth to ever need another type of tea, I bought 2 new ones today while out on a walk with Amanda (we went to Cornelia Bean to look around and I found 2 delightful teas which have a spring-like quality I could not resist on the sunny spring day).

I know it's not my turn, but I was thinking about something and wanted to put it out here.
*edit* I just saw your comment Morgan...I shall attempt to roll the ball again*

I was driving home from work the other night, and my Saturday shift I was a good girl and took my med and ate like the dietician suggested and I felt a lot more energetic and had a pretty good day, no 3pm wall of EXHAUSTION. Yet, as I was driving home I just felt a need to be touched. For some sort of physical contact. I told myself that was silly because I spent all day with people who I held the hands of or patted shoulders of etc. Then, I realized that all of that physical contact was me giving energy or chi or qi or however/whatever you want to call it. Which reminded me of CBC where we were all in close contact all the time and how kind of awesome that was. It made me miss being surrounded by huggy people all the time. It would be nice to have the reassurance and love and energy be more mutual once in a while. It's just a thought I had, that came out of nowhere on a drive home from work.

It could also be the result of the spring and the resulting feelings of twitterpation floating about. All last week I had the strangest feeling that I was supposed to have a date on Friday. Then, tonight I felt the same way. Which is simply ridiculous! I just have a date with a cold cup of tea and an 8 hour sleep (which is truly just fine with me)...love you!