And the Cat Came Back...a few months later

Drinking: the coffee is perking on the stove (I added cinnamon...apparently I own THREE containers of cinnamon and one of them is GIANT), and the coffee will soon be in a mug that is rather tiny, black on the outside, white on the inside, with the tiniest ring of grey around the edge(it's barely noticeable)...but that mug got hijacked by a London travel mug from Starbucks because Dre called and we're going for a walk once she gets here.

But I want to blog anyway. It's been a while.

And that time flew.

Let's see...
My apartment is a disaster, but it shall be clean and nice once you and Kris come...and even if it's not, I'll still let you come to see it.

I was running around downtown with K yesterday for a bit, and forgot that I have Winnie the Pooh stickers all over my sweater. K didn't tell me. And I just realized it today when I was walking the dog in the same sweater. Sigh.

I have a cornbread addiction. It started at Erik and Kristie's and has resulted in me making it twice to eat with soup...but I still have soup, and NEVER have cornbread left...

At church we are talking about the affirmations of the Covenant Church, which is very interesting, because I don't remember ever looking at them before. Did we cover that in Confirmation?? OR is it a membership thing? Anyway, then our small group kind of discusses the affimation after, and we were talking about the centrality of the Word last wednesday and all I could think of was if the Word was really central, then it would be like when I read too much Jane Austen/Charlotte Bronte and I actually start to think and speak with an English accent...if the Word was central it would taint EVERYTHING...every thought, every action, every word. That sounds kinda incredible...and I have no idea how to get there, or near there...

For halloween yesterday I went to Lindsay and Geoff's for their halloween party. It was fun...I of course sat in the crowd of people and listened, and didn't have too much to say...but I had fun...and am hoping I wasn't a total loser...my costume was my plaid shirt (it's a trendy one), my skinny jeans, your boots, and a trucker hat that K and I found at goodwill with my hair in pigtails...so not that far off from what my normal is lol.

Umm...I should go, Dre will be here soon, and Anna, and I need to prepare my coffee. (I ate cornbread for breakfast and need something like coffee to actually give me energy)...hmm...I need a picture to leave you with...let me find one...ooh, here are some poppies in Israel...to remind us that next up is Remembrance Day weekend...and your visit!!!

Maybe the destination is the journey?

Drinking: Mother's Helper tea from David's in a Chicago Starbucks mug, (the oversized city mug, not the musical), it's a 'relaxing' tea, not an actual sleep aid tea, but I really like it.

So, like I said earlier today on bbm, I've been thinking a lot about journey vs destination. I know the destination matters a lot, but I often find myself wholly focused on the destination and not remembering that even when I reach one destination, I'm already envisioning the next. So really, my life is spent in the journey. It's a good reminder that I need to live the journey, to be present in the moments of life that will quickly pass me by when a new stage of life is ready for me.

For me, it relates a lot to the whole having a family thing. While I ache for my womb that refuses to grow a child within it, I also know that these years of just Kris and I (plus Murph!!) are precious, and won't last forever. I don't want to rationalize or trivialize how hard it is to battle infertility, which we officially are now, infertile that is. But I also want to make the most of these 'bonus years' we have as just the 2 of us, to take little trips, to be indulgent, to pay things off, to enjoy being just we two. Because we 2 is amazing, and shouldn't be a phase we just rush through, as much as we'd love to be moving on to 3.

And, maybe the destination is the journey. I think that's at least largely true, that where we're going is really just a lot of how we get there, the destination is influenced by the journey, and so part of what the destination is, or evolves to be, is the journey. And the journey is what grows us, shapes us, forms us. I need to remember that, and to remember that find the joy, grace and love in day to day living is maybe, just maybe, what the destination is.

That's maybe all a bit stream of consience, but I think (hope) it makes sense.

I'm watching Big Brother right now, I'm lame, I know. But I also brewed this pot of tea because Christen is on her way over to hang out, so yay for that!

I'm thankful that we seem to be having a bit more sunshine than we have of late, even tho there's still consistant rain. I miss there being summer in the actual summer months, but I'm definitely not taking even 20 minutes of sunshine for granted this year, that's for sure!

I'm looking forward to family camp, more so now that I'm aware of k's imminent arrival. Sorry that we're stealing her back, except barely sorry. Ha. We can't keep Murph at the camp, and we didn't look into kennels in time, so we're going to camp at Neil and Barb's and then family camp from there. I think it will actually give us a nice bit of separation, if that makes sense. I'm excited for it, and excited that Neil and Sharol are speaking!

I hope your long weekend is wonderful :) I'm very much looking forward to mine, and also, I'm now very much looking forward to sleep that will hopefully come and meet me in the next little bit. Murph is cuddled beside me, he's had quite the day, so I think he's ready for it to be bedtime too. Christen is still here, watching tv in the other room until she has to go pick up a friend at the airport, but Murph still chose to come to bed. That says a lot!

And I even emailed myself a picture of Murph's big day, and forgot to add it! Jeepers :)

Murph came to work this afternoon during the showing, here he is, helping Kimbo process a chart for payment:

Goodnight, my friend.

An abundance of opportunity

Drinking: apple cinnamon neocitrin...it tastes like hot apple cider and it has tylenon and 2 other drugs I can't pronounce in it...the combination promises to make me feel wonderful. It is in my large green Capricorn/Jiminy Cricket mug because I felt it would be too sweet if I only put 1 cup of water in, I was right.

The theme verse at camp was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" which led to the staff campfire sharing theme to be "What is God's calling on your life?" I did not have to share, but it did get me thinking and I realized a pattern in the opportunities I had been given recently.

This pattern is one that has led me to believe that I am being called to intentionally involve myself in community.

NOT in a Life Together House kind of way (I'm way too selfish to want to spend all my time with people...I like the idea of "My space"), but in a get-out-there-and-be-involved kind of way.

What is leading me to think this way? Let me enlighten you:

1. I went to Israel with a group of people I didn't know, or hardly knew and really enjoyed it. I love all the people on that trip and would love to see them all again sometime in some setting.

2. I was asked out to camp where I made some new Faith Covenant Church Winnipeg friends, and chatted with some people I kind of know but don't really know well (Nadine, Shauna). It was good, and I'm grateful for the time I spent with them all.

3. Going to the wedding was a strange decision I felt like I couldn't say no to, and then the fact that it meant so much to Josh that we were there confirmed that it was the right thing to do, and that reinforced the fact that the sense of community is not just my own belonging, but it is also something I am responsible to foster in others.

4. Tonight I was wondering if I should go to the Weather Permitting thing tomorrow and I had decided not to, VERY shortly after an e-mail invitation from Jeff and Darlene to our small group was sent to encourage us to come to the Weather Permitting thing.

5. I rode in a car for 5 hours with Gavin and we chatted the entire way. I'm not lying. It's true. You can ask him. I talked, and I don't think I was terribly awkward.

6. When I was gone adventuring, I missed my small group. I realized they are like my Winnipeg family (even though I am not yet ready or comfortable with the idea of Faith Covenant Winnipeg as my family, the small group is my family).

7. I am moving again soon, and need a truck, and wouldn't mind some help hauling my stuff up to the 3rd floor. In order to get any of this without just being ridiculous and hiring a moving company I will need to ask people for help. This is a challenge because I'm realizing how addicted I am to my own independence, which I suppose is not how Christ wants us to live.

8. I went to Saskatoon Covenant Church on Sunday and the message was, in a roundabout kind of way, about not separating ourselves or holding ourselves apart from others (be they believers or not).

9. At camp I had this incredible conversation with Andrea about the Covenant and how it is a bit challenging to come into it as an outsider. She has a magic pass though, if it gets awkward she can say she someone's granddaughter and then she GETS HUGS. Can you believe it? I am taking this as a sign to do something about that and try to talk to people at church. They probably don't bite.

10. B and I played Apples to Apples tonight...and by played Apples to Apples I mean we built towers out of stacks of the cards. This reminded me of SFG and I really wanted to send out an e-mail to everyone, but am slightly afraid they will all be really annoyed. I might do it anyway. We'll see.

There were a few other things, but the Neocitrin is kicking in and making my thoughts difficult to pay attention to. So, I am going to sleep. I look forward to your blogging. Here is a random picture of Briony after the strawberry farm field trip I took her on:

It's been a long week. Kimbo was in Mexico, so I was holding down the fort alone in the office, and having apartment showings during the week, I feel like all I did was clean, work and sleep. And that's pretty much the truth.

I miss stimulation when I live a life where all I do is a few activities in daily repitition, I find myself more and more tired as well when I live like that.

I cannot wait to move, seriously cannot wait. We'll have 2 spare rooms, so you (and whoever else is reading this :D ) should and can come visit once in a while! It will be great to have access to a yard for Murph. Speaking of Murph, his tragic hair incident is starting to grow back, hallelujah! I can look at him without pity again, which is swell. Ha.

I didn't do the beverage part, because, well, I'm breaking the rules and not drinking anything. Mostly because I only just put the water on and it hasn't even boiled yet. When I am drinking something, it will be Jessie's Tea, a lovely David's concoction by the one and only Jessie Farrell. Delectable.

Right now Hoarders is on tv, if I'm ever showing hoarding tendencies please make Kris take me on vacation and steal my credit card and hire someone to fix it. Please don't ever let me do that. Not that I plan to, but I'm just saying.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to Capital Ex AND A Taste of Edmonton, you probably should be jealous of this. Also, Edmonton's poutine restaurant is incredibly delicious. Christen and I had it on Friday night and it was excellent! We had a bbq chicken poutine and a garden poutine, both of which I'd highly recommend. It pretty much puts all other poutine to shame, and that's a pretty bold statement.

So, this is another random blog, but I think that's about as much as I have in me today. I'm just tired as heck. Maybe tonights sleeep will help me catch myself back up on rest, that would be splendid.

Love you lots n lots!

of Camp and Such

Drinking: water with a lemon wedge. It's room temperature now, so it actually counts as a hot beverage. I am not even exaggerating. It is THAT hot. It is in a red plastic cup made just like the plastic cups at camps all across our nation.

Today I have handed out a lot of bandaids. At least 5. Which, considering that they are just tiny itty bitty scrapes means that by the time this game they are playing is over, I will have handed out some more. Note to self: when sending hypothetical future children to camp, pack them their own bandaids so they are not always having to track down the nurse. One girl comes running up to me with her arm extended to show me and says "I sprayed bug spray on it and now it's burning! What do I do?" While her twin brother stands at my cabin door bellowing "nurse I need you" so I could put a bandaid on his toe which he had stubbed on a root a few hours ago. I find this amusing. And a great break from "normal" nursing.

Today I have literally sweat buckets. It is gross. And because it rained a tiny bit last night it was extra humid today. I took a shower and broke out into a sweat the second I turned the water off. It is unreal. The last time I sweat this much I was climbing a mountain in Spain with a backpack on my back and the sun shining on me. Not sitting on the deck studying!!

For some reason I am being melancholy. I think it's because I spend all day with various people who talk about their kids or having babies and talk to their spouses all day long. Nadine. Anno. Shauna. Erik. Gavin. It makes me feel so so doomed to be single forever. Since everyone I ever meet or see around is not single.

Boo. But this is not a "boo I'm single post" this is a "the heat is killing my post". My hair is literally drenched. And it is dripping off my face. And there is absolutely no way to escape it.

Oy. I think this is getting long, but have no way to actually tell, so I'm going to end it here. I may or may not post a picture, but I don't think I have one to post, so next time for sure!

I hope you are well, and have a good rest after your long day with no breaks and your late night of cleaning!! LOVE YOU!!

This should be a picture of the wood panelling my cabin that I HATE.

of ambitions and meanderings

drinking: soda water with pom-mango juice. about a 50/50 mix. not a warm beverage, but a delicious one.

because i want to, i'm going to blog in all lower case today. huzzah.

i just texted you and said i'm partially done this blog. true, but i didn't say i'm 3 sentences and a title deep. i just haven't blogged in so long that i don't know where to start. so i thought i'd start with the joy of this week, and how it's brought about a lot of thoughts on purpose, ambition and the sort.

on monday, i made my way to that blessed place, cov bay. there is traipsed with k through the field, into the 'barracks', and onto the dock, where we lay in the sun, gnarly lake water splashing at our backs, and our skin turning a lovely shade of red. and we talked and talked and talked. and a lot about our ambitions. it seems 25-ish is a good a time as any to realize the trajectory you're on, and decide if it's the one you want, or if you need to change it before you're in too deep.

i realize, right now i'm in limbo. i'm working a good job, but nothing that really betters me or allows me to better others. it's good hours and good pay and a good location, it's just 'good' and so i feel like i'm settling for comfortable, but the thing is, i don't even feel like there's a chance i could take right now that would lead to greater fulfilment in the work place. so it's limbo.

i crave the role of 'motherhood', and feel like part of my life's calling is as a mother, to raise up children who will better their world and who will be good, hardworking, compassionate, loving, generous folks. an enormous duty, but one i strongly desire to embrace. but that one seems to be out of my control.

so i decided to throw some of my ambition into physical activity, that's going well. i seem rather committed, and there's a pay off in that i feel great and i'm eating better now too. i'm trying to do a better job of being transparent, and of communicating with those in my life. altho i also often am awful to plan something with in advance (sorry morgan, i do so want to skype, and i suck for canceling). i don't want to fill my life with pseudo purpose or things that will deafen out the sounds of an empty home and a sense of missing things. but i do recognize that limbo is a rough place to sit. it's hard to know what to run with, and what to wait on when you're life is a myriad of what if's.

and so i live in the highropes of what if's. and for the most part, it doesn't drive me too crazy. and so i meander, i dabble here, i dabble there. and i never commit to anything that's 6+ months away, because i walk the what if tight rope, and that tight rope never lets me give up hope.

and as for the meanderings, they keep my heart light and my soul joyful. i love the stories of those in my life, i love their adventures and their passions and to chat with them over a meal or a tea. and i'm so very thankful for them in my life. and i'm thankful that regardless of circumstance and situation, i'm not bitter. that i feel joy and that i feel hope, and that i still feel genuine happiness for others and i pray that never fades. that regardless of where life goes, i always remain me.

i've been to the eco twice in the last week and a bit, and i have to say, the new menu is not as good as the old. and that's lame. i am pretty sure you agree.

we're off camping tomorrow, then to a b&b at bragg creek for our anniversary, so i may not even have internet access when it's my turn again, but i'll do the best i can. and i'll try to remember to take a picture or two while i'm at it, so my post isnt pictureless like this one is.

i love you lots and lots and lots and i missed you oh so much while you were gone. this is such a rambling blog, but it's the one i've written. so here goes...

Back to Our Regular Programming?

Drinking: a smoothie. In a plastic cup with a green straw. The smoothie is SO GOOD, I have no idea what I put in it (there is frozen spinach....but that's NOT what makes it awesome...there's a lot of fruit, and orange-hibiscus green tea). It is not a hot drink, but it is hot/muggy/needs to rain AND it's my lunch.

Now that the excuses part of this blog are done let us move on to the more lovely things...

1. There is a pot of a bunch of things that were in the freezer that are going to become some sort of soup (also never be able to reproduce this soup). It smells like cabbage and beets right now. Yum. There is also a frozen chicken on the bottom of the pot. It's turning purple.

2. There are some banana's defrosting on the table so I can make banana muffins with chocolate chips. Need I say more?

3. There is also ground elk on the counter defrosting so Des and I can make burgers for supper with those little flat buns. I'm looking forward to supper!

4. I still have to unpack, since taking everything out of my duffel bag and dumping it on my bed is not working out too well. It's getting difficult to tell which things are clean and which are not...I'm starting to have to actually try to remember what I wore and when. Or smell things.

5. This week is busy. Monday to Thursday I am working 8-4 in the kidney transplant clinic (I'm orientating to the clinic so I can pick up the shifts when the nurses there go on vacation), and then Friday and Saturday I work nights. Then (also) on Monday I'm going to the Wright's for supper and then babysitting B while L+G go for a date evening; Tuesday I have to make something to take to small group BBQ; Wednesday I am going to the BBQ. I may be busy, but if you blog, I'll blog ;)...I think that will make Morgan happy.

6. I REALLY missed you while I was gone. Pretty sure you were the first person I said anything to when I got off the plane in Toronto. I LOVED adventuring and wished it didn't have to end, BUT I am glad to have you at the other end of my BlackBerry Messenger again.

7. That being said, I am considering an iphone. When we had wifi in Spain, I really liked using k's. At any rate, whatever I choose, we can still communicate via text, and then there's always this, our semi-neglected, but totally loved blog.

8. I own 3 vegan cookbooks. My favourite place to eat is vegan. I have no intention of becoming a vegetarian, let alone a vegan. However, I do like to dabble in these new and interesting and generally yummy recipes. Granted 2 of the cookbooks are STRICTLY bakeing and sweets. The newest one is a giant book of lots of great looking recipes.

9. I really really really don`t want to clean my room. Sigh. It makes me tired just thinking of it. In fact, this morning I went up to clean, but caught up on the episodes of How I Met Your Mother that i missed while I was gone. And one episode of The Big Bang Theory. This is why I went down to organize the freezer and make a list of everything in it...so I wouldn`t have to deal with my room...or watch anymore TV.

10. I`m gonna go over to Safeway now to get some ketchup and milk. (Interestingly, ketchup and milk were hard to come by in Spain...so as I thought `ketchup` I instantly felt -what I am going to call- "Camino sick" (like homesick, but missing the camino instead of home...which I also miss, but I am well, and happy in Winnipeg. Life if good).

Love you dearly!



This is a photo of me holding the mountains we were going to cross...although I'm pretty sure we didn't cross those exact peaks.