And the Cat Came Back...a few months later

Drinking: the coffee is perking on the stove (I added cinnamon...apparently I own THREE containers of cinnamon and one of them is GIANT), and the coffee will soon be in a mug that is rather tiny, black on the outside, white on the inside, with the tiniest ring of grey around the edge(it's barely noticeable)...but that mug got hijacked by a London travel mug from Starbucks because Dre called and we're going for a walk once she gets here.

But I want to blog anyway. It's been a while.

And that time flew.

Let's see...
My apartment is a disaster, but it shall be clean and nice once you and Kris come...and even if it's not, I'll still let you come to see it.

I was running around downtown with K yesterday for a bit, and forgot that I have Winnie the Pooh stickers all over my sweater. K didn't tell me. And I just realized it today when I was walking the dog in the same sweater. Sigh.

I have a cornbread addiction. It started at Erik and Kristie's and has resulted in me making it twice to eat with soup...but I still have soup, and NEVER have cornbread left...

At church we are talking about the affirmations of the Covenant Church, which is very interesting, because I don't remember ever looking at them before. Did we cover that in Confirmation?? OR is it a membership thing? Anyway, then our small group kind of discusses the affimation after, and we were talking about the centrality of the Word last wednesday and all I could think of was if the Word was really central, then it would be like when I read too much Jane Austen/Charlotte Bronte and I actually start to think and speak with an English accent...if the Word was central it would taint EVERYTHING...every thought, every action, every word. That sounds kinda incredible...and I have no idea how to get there, or near there...

For halloween yesterday I went to Lindsay and Geoff's for their halloween party. It was fun...I of course sat in the crowd of people and listened, and didn't have too much to say...but I had fun...and am hoping I wasn't a total loser...my costume was my plaid shirt (it's a trendy one), my skinny jeans, your boots, and a trucker hat that K and I found at goodwill with my hair in pigtails...so not that far off from what my normal is lol.

Umm...I should go, Dre will be here soon, and Anna, and I need to prepare my coffee. (I ate cornbread for breakfast and need something like coffee to actually give me energy)...hmm...I need a picture to leave you with...let me find one...ooh, here are some poppies in Israel...to remind us that next up is Remembrance Day weekend...and your visit!!!

Maybe the destination is the journey?

Drinking: Mother's Helper tea from David's in a Chicago Starbucks mug, (the oversized city mug, not the musical), it's a 'relaxing' tea, not an actual sleep aid tea, but I really like it.

So, like I said earlier today on bbm, I've been thinking a lot about journey vs destination. I know the destination matters a lot, but I often find myself wholly focused on the destination and not remembering that even when I reach one destination, I'm already envisioning the next. So really, my life is spent in the journey. It's a good reminder that I need to live the journey, to be present in the moments of life that will quickly pass me by when a new stage of life is ready for me.

For me, it relates a lot to the whole having a family thing. While I ache for my womb that refuses to grow a child within it, I also know that these years of just Kris and I (plus Murph!!) are precious, and won't last forever. I don't want to rationalize or trivialize how hard it is to battle infertility, which we officially are now, infertile that is. But I also want to make the most of these 'bonus years' we have as just the 2 of us, to take little trips, to be indulgent, to pay things off, to enjoy being just we two. Because we 2 is amazing, and shouldn't be a phase we just rush through, as much as we'd love to be moving on to 3.

And, maybe the destination is the journey. I think that's at least largely true, that where we're going is really just a lot of how we get there, the destination is influenced by the journey, and so part of what the destination is, or evolves to be, is the journey. And the journey is what grows us, shapes us, forms us. I need to remember that, and to remember that find the joy, grace and love in day to day living is maybe, just maybe, what the destination is.

That's maybe all a bit stream of consience, but I think (hope) it makes sense.

I'm watching Big Brother right now, I'm lame, I know. But I also brewed this pot of tea because Christen is on her way over to hang out, so yay for that!

I'm thankful that we seem to be having a bit more sunshine than we have of late, even tho there's still consistant rain. I miss there being summer in the actual summer months, but I'm definitely not taking even 20 minutes of sunshine for granted this year, that's for sure!

I'm looking forward to family camp, more so now that I'm aware of k's imminent arrival. Sorry that we're stealing her back, except barely sorry. Ha. We can't keep Murph at the camp, and we didn't look into kennels in time, so we're going to camp at Neil and Barb's and then family camp from there. I think it will actually give us a nice bit of separation, if that makes sense. I'm excited for it, and excited that Neil and Sharol are speaking!

I hope your long weekend is wonderful :) I'm very much looking forward to mine, and also, I'm now very much looking forward to sleep that will hopefully come and meet me in the next little bit. Murph is cuddled beside me, he's had quite the day, so I think he's ready for it to be bedtime too. Christen is still here, watching tv in the other room until she has to go pick up a friend at the airport, but Murph still chose to come to bed. That says a lot!

And I even emailed myself a picture of Murph's big day, and forgot to add it! Jeepers :)

Murph came to work this afternoon during the showing, here he is, helping Kimbo process a chart for payment:

Goodnight, my friend.

An abundance of opportunity

Drinking: apple cinnamon neocitrin...it tastes like hot apple cider and it has tylenon and 2 other drugs I can't pronounce in it...the combination promises to make me feel wonderful. It is in my large green Capricorn/Jiminy Cricket mug because I felt it would be too sweet if I only put 1 cup of water in, I was right.

The theme verse at camp was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" which led to the staff campfire sharing theme to be "What is God's calling on your life?" I did not have to share, but it did get me thinking and I realized a pattern in the opportunities I had been given recently.

This pattern is one that has led me to believe that I am being called to intentionally involve myself in community.

NOT in a Life Together House kind of way (I'm way too selfish to want to spend all my time with people...I like the idea of "My space"), but in a get-out-there-and-be-involved kind of way.

What is leading me to think this way? Let me enlighten you:

1. I went to Israel with a group of people I didn't know, or hardly knew and really enjoyed it. I love all the people on that trip and would love to see them all again sometime in some setting.

2. I was asked out to camp where I made some new Faith Covenant Church Winnipeg friends, and chatted with some people I kind of know but don't really know well (Nadine, Shauna). It was good, and I'm grateful for the time I spent with them all.

3. Going to the wedding was a strange decision I felt like I couldn't say no to, and then the fact that it meant so much to Josh that we were there confirmed that it was the right thing to do, and that reinforced the fact that the sense of community is not just my own belonging, but it is also something I am responsible to foster in others.

4. Tonight I was wondering if I should go to the Weather Permitting thing tomorrow and I had decided not to, VERY shortly after an e-mail invitation from Jeff and Darlene to our small group was sent to encourage us to come to the Weather Permitting thing.

5. I rode in a car for 5 hours with Gavin and we chatted the entire way. I'm not lying. It's true. You can ask him. I talked, and I don't think I was terribly awkward.

6. When I was gone adventuring, I missed my small group. I realized they are like my Winnipeg family (even though I am not yet ready or comfortable with the idea of Faith Covenant Winnipeg as my family, the small group is my family).

7. I am moving again soon, and need a truck, and wouldn't mind some help hauling my stuff up to the 3rd floor. In order to get any of this without just being ridiculous and hiring a moving company I will need to ask people for help. This is a challenge because I'm realizing how addicted I am to my own independence, which I suppose is not how Christ wants us to live.

8. I went to Saskatoon Covenant Church on Sunday and the message was, in a roundabout kind of way, about not separating ourselves or holding ourselves apart from others (be they believers or not).

9. At camp I had this incredible conversation with Andrea about the Covenant and how it is a bit challenging to come into it as an outsider. She has a magic pass though, if it gets awkward she can say she someone's granddaughter and then she GETS HUGS. Can you believe it? I am taking this as a sign to do something about that and try to talk to people at church. They probably don't bite.

10. B and I played Apples to Apples tonight...and by played Apples to Apples I mean we built towers out of stacks of the cards. This reminded me of SFG and I really wanted to send out an e-mail to everyone, but am slightly afraid they will all be really annoyed. I might do it anyway. We'll see.

There were a few other things, but the Neocitrin is kicking in and making my thoughts difficult to pay attention to. So, I am going to sleep. I look forward to your blogging. Here is a random picture of Briony after the strawberry farm field trip I took her on:

It's been a long week. Kimbo was in Mexico, so I was holding down the fort alone in the office, and having apartment showings during the week, I feel like all I did was clean, work and sleep. And that's pretty much the truth.

I miss stimulation when I live a life where all I do is a few activities in daily repitition, I find myself more and more tired as well when I live like that.

I cannot wait to move, seriously cannot wait. We'll have 2 spare rooms, so you (and whoever else is reading this :D ) should and can come visit once in a while! It will be great to have access to a yard for Murph. Speaking of Murph, his tragic hair incident is starting to grow back, hallelujah! I can look at him without pity again, which is swell. Ha.

I didn't do the beverage part, because, well, I'm breaking the rules and not drinking anything. Mostly because I only just put the water on and it hasn't even boiled yet. When I am drinking something, it will be Jessie's Tea, a lovely David's concoction by the one and only Jessie Farrell. Delectable.

Right now Hoarders is on tv, if I'm ever showing hoarding tendencies please make Kris take me on vacation and steal my credit card and hire someone to fix it. Please don't ever let me do that. Not that I plan to, but I'm just saying.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to Capital Ex AND A Taste of Edmonton, you probably should be jealous of this. Also, Edmonton's poutine restaurant is incredibly delicious. Christen and I had it on Friday night and it was excellent! We had a bbq chicken poutine and a garden poutine, both of which I'd highly recommend. It pretty much puts all other poutine to shame, and that's a pretty bold statement.

So, this is another random blog, but I think that's about as much as I have in me today. I'm just tired as heck. Maybe tonights sleeep will help me catch myself back up on rest, that would be splendid.

Love you lots n lots!

of Camp and Such

Drinking: water with a lemon wedge. It's room temperature now, so it actually counts as a hot beverage. I am not even exaggerating. It is THAT hot. It is in a red plastic cup made just like the plastic cups at camps all across our nation.

Today I have handed out a lot of bandaids. At least 5. Which, considering that they are just tiny itty bitty scrapes means that by the time this game they are playing is over, I will have handed out some more. Note to self: when sending hypothetical future children to camp, pack them their own bandaids so they are not always having to track down the nurse. One girl comes running up to me with her arm extended to show me and says "I sprayed bug spray on it and now it's burning! What do I do?" While her twin brother stands at my cabin door bellowing "nurse I need you" so I could put a bandaid on his toe which he had stubbed on a root a few hours ago. I find this amusing. And a great break from "normal" nursing.

Today I have literally sweat buckets. It is gross. And because it rained a tiny bit last night it was extra humid today. I took a shower and broke out into a sweat the second I turned the water off. It is unreal. The last time I sweat this much I was climbing a mountain in Spain with a backpack on my back and the sun shining on me. Not sitting on the deck studying!!

For some reason I am being melancholy. I think it's because I spend all day with various people who talk about their kids or having babies and talk to their spouses all day long. Nadine. Anno. Shauna. Erik. Gavin. It makes me feel so so doomed to be single forever. Since everyone I ever meet or see around is not single.

Boo. But this is not a "boo I'm single post" this is a "the heat is killing my post". My hair is literally drenched. And it is dripping off my face. And there is absolutely no way to escape it.

Oy. I think this is getting long, but have no way to actually tell, so I'm going to end it here. I may or may not post a picture, but I don't think I have one to post, so next time for sure!

I hope you are well, and have a good rest after your long day with no breaks and your late night of cleaning!! LOVE YOU!!

This should be a picture of the wood panelling my cabin that I HATE.

of ambitions and meanderings

drinking: soda water with pom-mango juice. about a 50/50 mix. not a warm beverage, but a delicious one.

because i want to, i'm going to blog in all lower case today. huzzah.

i just texted you and said i'm partially done this blog. true, but i didn't say i'm 3 sentences and a title deep. i just haven't blogged in so long that i don't know where to start. so i thought i'd start with the joy of this week, and how it's brought about a lot of thoughts on purpose, ambition and the sort.

on monday, i made my way to that blessed place, cov bay. there is traipsed with k through the field, into the 'barracks', and onto the dock, where we lay in the sun, gnarly lake water splashing at our backs, and our skin turning a lovely shade of red. and we talked and talked and talked. and a lot about our ambitions. it seems 25-ish is a good a time as any to realize the trajectory you're on, and decide if it's the one you want, or if you need to change it before you're in too deep.

i realize, right now i'm in limbo. i'm working a good job, but nothing that really betters me or allows me to better others. it's good hours and good pay and a good location, it's just 'good' and so i feel like i'm settling for comfortable, but the thing is, i don't even feel like there's a chance i could take right now that would lead to greater fulfilment in the work place. so it's limbo.

i crave the role of 'motherhood', and feel like part of my life's calling is as a mother, to raise up children who will better their world and who will be good, hardworking, compassionate, loving, generous folks. an enormous duty, but one i strongly desire to embrace. but that one seems to be out of my control.

so i decided to throw some of my ambition into physical activity, that's going well. i seem rather committed, and there's a pay off in that i feel great and i'm eating better now too. i'm trying to do a better job of being transparent, and of communicating with those in my life. altho i also often am awful to plan something with in advance (sorry morgan, i do so want to skype, and i suck for canceling). i don't want to fill my life with pseudo purpose or things that will deafen out the sounds of an empty home and a sense of missing things. but i do recognize that limbo is a rough place to sit. it's hard to know what to run with, and what to wait on when you're life is a myriad of what if's.

and so i live in the highropes of what if's. and for the most part, it doesn't drive me too crazy. and so i meander, i dabble here, i dabble there. and i never commit to anything that's 6+ months away, because i walk the what if tight rope, and that tight rope never lets me give up hope.

and as for the meanderings, they keep my heart light and my soul joyful. i love the stories of those in my life, i love their adventures and their passions and to chat with them over a meal or a tea. and i'm so very thankful for them in my life. and i'm thankful that regardless of circumstance and situation, i'm not bitter. that i feel joy and that i feel hope, and that i still feel genuine happiness for others and i pray that never fades. that regardless of where life goes, i always remain me.

i've been to the eco twice in the last week and a bit, and i have to say, the new menu is not as good as the old. and that's lame. i am pretty sure you agree.

we're off camping tomorrow, then to a b&b at bragg creek for our anniversary, so i may not even have internet access when it's my turn again, but i'll do the best i can. and i'll try to remember to take a picture or two while i'm at it, so my post isnt pictureless like this one is.

i love you lots and lots and lots and i missed you oh so much while you were gone. this is such a rambling blog, but it's the one i've written. so here goes...

Back to Our Regular Programming?

Drinking: a smoothie. In a plastic cup with a green straw. The smoothie is SO GOOD, I have no idea what I put in it (there is frozen spinach....but that's NOT what makes it awesome...there's a lot of fruit, and orange-hibiscus green tea). It is not a hot drink, but it is hot/muggy/needs to rain AND it's my lunch.

Now that the excuses part of this blog are done let us move on to the more lovely things...

1. There is a pot of a bunch of things that were in the freezer that are going to become some sort of soup (also never be able to reproduce this soup). It smells like cabbage and beets right now. Yum. There is also a frozen chicken on the bottom of the pot. It's turning purple.

2. There are some banana's defrosting on the table so I can make banana muffins with chocolate chips. Need I say more?

3. There is also ground elk on the counter defrosting so Des and I can make burgers for supper with those little flat buns. I'm looking forward to supper!

4. I still have to unpack, since taking everything out of my duffel bag and dumping it on my bed is not working out too well. It's getting difficult to tell which things are clean and which are not...I'm starting to have to actually try to remember what I wore and when. Or smell things.

5. This week is busy. Monday to Thursday I am working 8-4 in the kidney transplant clinic (I'm orientating to the clinic so I can pick up the shifts when the nurses there go on vacation), and then Friday and Saturday I work nights. Then (also) on Monday I'm going to the Wright's for supper and then babysitting B while L+G go for a date evening; Tuesday I have to make something to take to small group BBQ; Wednesday I am going to the BBQ. I may be busy, but if you blog, I'll blog ;)...I think that will make Morgan happy.

6. I REALLY missed you while I was gone. Pretty sure you were the first person I said anything to when I got off the plane in Toronto. I LOVED adventuring and wished it didn't have to end, BUT I am glad to have you at the other end of my BlackBerry Messenger again.

7. That being said, I am considering an iphone. When we had wifi in Spain, I really liked using k's. At any rate, whatever I choose, we can still communicate via text, and then there's always this, our semi-neglected, but totally loved blog.

8. I own 3 vegan cookbooks. My favourite place to eat is vegan. I have no intention of becoming a vegetarian, let alone a vegan. However, I do like to dabble in these new and interesting and generally yummy recipes. Granted 2 of the cookbooks are STRICTLY bakeing and sweets. The newest one is a giant book of lots of great looking recipes.

9. I really really really don`t want to clean my room. Sigh. It makes me tired just thinking of it. In fact, this morning I went up to clean, but caught up on the episodes of How I Met Your Mother that i missed while I was gone. And one episode of The Big Bang Theory. This is why I went down to organize the freezer and make a list of everything in it...so I wouldn`t have to deal with my room...or watch anymore TV.

10. I`m gonna go over to Safeway now to get some ketchup and milk. (Interestingly, ketchup and milk were hard to come by in Spain...so as I thought `ketchup` I instantly felt -what I am going to call- "Camino sick" (like homesick, but missing the camino instead of home...which I also miss, but I am well, and happy in Winnipeg. Life if good).

Love you dearly!



This is a photo of me holding the mountains we were going to cross...although I'm pretty sure we didn't cross those exact peaks.

lackluster

hot water with lemon. cuz i can. in a big brown on brown mug.

I'm wiped this week, maybe I'm getting old and relying on my routine too much. With working Tuesday, Wednesday off but busy-busy, Thursday was work-massage-work-busy, yesterday and today were just work busy. And I'm tired, and lately I haven't been tired. So that's lame. and all those blog ideas are out the window cuz I'm just kind of lackluster.

And so I'm watching HGTV, drinking hot water with lemon, cuddling my puppy and thinking about retiring to bed with a book. Did I mention it's 8:30. But I promised a blog, and so blogging I am. And this blog is like me, lackluster.

Tomorrow is church and maybe tea shopping to follow. And maybe a new pretty outfit for Monday, which holds (after a few hours of errand in the city running with Tahra, Renae and Jacob) a fashion show and dinner at the Red Piano. And I can't imagine what I'll wear, so I'm waiting to hear what others will wear and thinking I'll probably end up hunting tomorrow. But maybe I can go to Kingsway, they have Teopia :) That'd be a fun switcheroo.

The as mentioned massage is part of the fixing my clenching in my sleep that's causing lock jaw. That and facing some of my stressors head on and deconstructing them. It's a process. But, it's going well. and sometimes I get a little giddy when I'm productive and knock things off my to do list of pay off a chunk of debt. And maybe I'm a nerd, but I like that :) Oh growing up, what a journey it is.

That book and bed are beckoning me. I love you.

I havent a picture. I'll do better, next time, I promise.

Twitterpated

Rhubard Meringue tea (it's cold now) in my Wicked mug.

Even though I am the last person on earth to ever need another type of tea, I bought 2 new ones today while out on a walk with Amanda (we went to Cornelia Bean to look around and I found 2 delightful teas which have a spring-like quality I could not resist on the sunny spring day).

I know it's not my turn, but I was thinking about something and wanted to put it out here.
*edit* I just saw your comment Morgan...I shall attempt to roll the ball again*

I was driving home from work the other night, and my Saturday shift I was a good girl and took my med and ate like the dietician suggested and I felt a lot more energetic and had a pretty good day, no 3pm wall of EXHAUSTION. Yet, as I was driving home I just felt a need to be touched. For some sort of physical contact. I told myself that was silly because I spent all day with people who I held the hands of or patted shoulders of etc. Then, I realized that all of that physical contact was me giving energy or chi or qi or however/whatever you want to call it. Which reminded me of CBC where we were all in close contact all the time and how kind of awesome that was. It made me miss being surrounded by huggy people all the time. It would be nice to have the reassurance and love and energy be more mutual once in a while. It's just a thought I had, that came out of nowhere on a drive home from work.

It could also be the result of the spring and the resulting feelings of twitterpation floating about. All last week I had the strangest feeling that I was supposed to have a date on Friday. Then, tonight I felt the same way. Which is simply ridiculous! I just have a date with a cold cup of tea and an 8 hour sleep (which is truly just fine with me)...love you!

Book Report: Harry Potter

The Harry Potter series is pretty controversial I guess. I figure I am probably not supposed to like them as much as I do (especially since I'm all grown up). The thing is that I find J.K. Rowling's story captivating. She just got her pacing right. There are a few times in the series where I feel like it's dragging, but for a story that is 4175 pages long that's pretty good.

The series starts out written for kids who are 11is (the same age as Harry and his friends), then the 2nd books is for 12 year olds, the 3rd is for 13 year old, etc. Which makes sense since Rowling published the books a year apart and so her audience kept getting a year older and needed the books to be more challenging. Therefore, when you read the first 2 books you feel like you are reading a dumbed down book, however the story is fast paced and you kinda love the characters. Then the older books get darker

I don't know if I have low standards, but I like the characters in Harry Potter. They feel like friends, which is probably why I keep reading them over and over.

Part of my love for this series might just be the history. It brings back memories of when I was younger and reading them for the first time. I remember when Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out. I got it out of the library at school and started reading it in school when I was finished my work in class. Went home, read, did my chores, read, had supper, read, went to bed where I read at first by the light from the bathroom that shone into my room and then by flashlight. It was a school night, but I read that book until I finished it at 4:30 in the morning, then went to sleep and was VERY tired the next morning, and had to wait another year for the next one to come out.

I know people don't like Harry Potter because of the whole magic thing, or because it's such a trendy thing.

So, I'd recommend them to you. You don't have to read them, I get it. It is just escape, but it's fun and sometimes, you just need a good escape.

Of all the things I missed in London, one of the ones that made me the saddest was not finding Platform 9 and 3/4's at Kings Cross. I just wanted to see it lol.

I didn't want to give too much away plot wise...and think I have managed to give away no plot whatsoever, so if you do want more plot, I can give you some before you test out the books for yourself.

A Little Bit of This, and a Little Bit of That

Harrods Rose tea (it's from Harrods, and it has lovely rose petals in it) in a square mug (i hate square mugs/cups...so hard to drink out of without spilling, but that might just be me). The mug is off-white/cream on the outside and the inside is black. My roommate has a set of 4.

I heart this tea.

I'm watching "Village on a Diet" right now. It's a fascinating program. To live in a community where the local government became so involved in encouraging and promoting a healthy lifestyle and then watching everyone's attitude toward weight loss and changing their lifestyle. I adore this show. FASCINATING. And the stories of some of the people ring oh so true to me. (Also, it was filmed in BC in the summer, and I love the summer part of it, a tiny bit of warmth in this cold abyss in which I live).

I like to think that if my community provided dieticians, trainers, motivations, doctors, and super chefs I'd be able to change my lifestyle. I like to think that, and I definately don't want to just sit around and wait. I've been trying to get outside and do stuff (despite the evil wrist injury). Tonight I bundled up and took the dog for a 40 minute walk.

I've also been drinking more water. I figure since I have nothing else to do all day, I may as well drink enough water. I've decided it works best with an ice cube in a tall cup and a straw (straws help the whole square cup thing).

This evening my roommate and I were just chatting and she was talking about how she does not own any lipstick, and I pointed out that I don't own ANY make-up at all. She was shocked. She wanted to know why. I don't really know why. I mean I do I suppose. I didn't grow up around it (my mom doesn't wear any). The friends in highschool kind of wore too much make up, and when they did my make up I always felt like I looked like a clown. Or a prostitute. Or some kind of strange combination of both. Obviously, I have now worn make up which is not at all slutty, but when I wear make up, I always feel way more noticeable. It freaks me out. I prefer my invisibility. Perhaps I'm putting too much power into make up, there's the whole part about confidence and personality. I'm feel like I don't have the confidence to pull off make up. I don't know. It's just a strange hang up I have. Sigh.

I am very excited for your visit! (And Morgan-if you read this- I really REALLY want to come visit you sometime as well).

I bought ski poles today. I'm being optimistic about my wrist healing, despite the fact that it is still SORE.

WHO STAYS UP ALL NIGHT READING A BOOK THEY HAVE READ TWICE BEFORE???
me. sigh.
Last night I stayed up until 4:30 finishing Harry Potter. I'll write the review for you soon.

Murphy's corner turning sounds good. IVes has turned some sort of corner too. She is still playful and bouncy, but she's more likely to chill out and let me pet her. She seems to be exiting the puppy phase and becoming a "grown up dog". Still crazy, but grown up, and still a sweetheart.

Living in the moment is challenging. I have no advice for that. I just wish you loads of luck. I think it is a good plan. We only get these moments once. I may end up being alone my entire life, but I'm only going to be 25 and single once. I have so many ideas and options and no clue what I really want to do.

Anyway, this posts photo is what I'm calling proof that I deserve to be a future church mom of North America. On Saturday I went grocery shopping with my roommate, got home and made supper to take over to the Watchorn's (Mary completely severed her achilles tendon last week...*SHUDDER*), had supper with Mary, then returned home and bakes 4 dozen muffins for Sunday morning, and then made the most delicious granola bars. The photo is proof of all the muffins (2 dozen banana chocolate chip and 2 dozen raspberry chocolate chip), the granola bars, and the cookbook shows the supper I made the Watchorn's. The bottle of Amaretto was for after...which probably makes me the best future church mom candidate I could be.

Anticipation

Mostly re-warmed coffee in a Starbucks 'Chicago' mug that my sister brought home to me from Chicago over the holidays.

Yesterday, while I was at work Kris planned out our summer vacation/belated honeymoon, and I am both excited and surprised at how much more affordable flights/hotels/rental cars are than we thought. We actually are going to do this! Ack! So EXCITED!!

And this has me thinking of anticipation. I have so been anticipating these days Kris has off, he's home now til the 14th, but now that it's here it's almost sad because I know it will end. With the joy of anticipation, there is almost a let down when the experience begins because the season of anticipation is over. Does that make sense? I love to anticipate things, I love the hope and joy and wonder of things not yet experienced, and once I'm in the moment I miss that spirit of anticipation. So, how do I carry that spirit over into the experience? Not to say I don't love and treasure the moments and gifts the experience holds, but I love anticipation. I loved being engaged. I love waiting for something great to happen. But, perhaps what I really love is the child like spirit that fills me as I anticipate. So maybe what I need to carryover is that spirit, I need to take more time to notice the details, to live in the moment, to 'get over myself' and live every second. This is a tall order for myself, but I want to be like that. I want to find the joy in every moment and experience and to know and accept that when one good thing ends, it opens the door for more good things to happen.

So as convoluted as that was, that's what I'm thinking about this morning :)

Your cast was icky, but I *LOVED* the purple!! And the splint is very go-go-gadget arm looking. I like this a lot.

Murphy seems to be turning a corner a bit lately, at first I thought he was regressing and now I realize it was one short step back before a couple big steps forward. He is getting the grasp of a few commands now with a lot of consistency. He doesn't pee or poo where he ought'n't. He is less hyper right out of his kennel and actually capable of just sitting on the couch beside you with a bone. It makes the hassle of the early stages worthwhile.

And now, onto the weekend. Last night we watched 127 Hours. Kinda gory, but basically awesome. And a crazy performance by James Franco, no wonder he was Oscar nominated! You should google 127 hours and read the story, it will probably ring a bell, but it's actually crazy.

I'm not sure what the rest of the weekend holds, which is kind of nice. We'll go with the flow. But my coffee is cold again and my hair is drying awkwardly so I'm off to go see if it's salvageable.

And now, for a picture that sums up my current anticipation: (WINNIPEG in March, Vegas and Disney in July and Chicago in November)

New Experiences

Peppermint tea (because I ate way too much for supper and my stomach is not impressed) in a dark blue glass mug.

*first I wanted to mention 2 things I've been meaning to say in response to your previous posts: did you get your shift key fixed? Cuz on my computer there is a little keyboard symbol on the bottom right and I just have to switch it back to an English version. and in regards to Murphy needing kennel time, I can't remember if I read this, or if I heard this, but I think dogs (full grown) need something like 13-16 hours of sleep per day, and puppies need more...so that's probably why he goes crazy...over-tiredness. *shrug*

This year has been filled with new experiences (and it's not even an entire month old!). I've had to see an ex, worn a cast, been to a walk-in-clinic, had to kind of save someone in the middle of the street, and gone skating on the Red River instead of the Assiniboine.

I know those new things are really no big deal, but there is one that is a big deal, and I know it's a total mood killer, but I just want to get it out there, and maybe somehow, putting it in cyberspace will get it further away from me.

On Monday I was babysitting B and she had a cold, and I still had my cast, and I felt so bad for the snotty-nosed, froggy voiced cutie pie that I missed a phone call...not that I would have answered it because I didn't recognize the number anyway...but I checked the voicemail and that voicemail told me that one of my coworkers (Heather) had been transferred from one of the smaller hospitals to a larger hospital and was going to be getting palliative radiation because her uterine cancer was out of remission and had spread into her lymph nodes.

I was terrified. I knew it would be best to go visit, but I had no idea how. I had no idea what to expect, what to say, or what to bring with me. It dawned on me that while I spend a lot of time at the bedsides of the dying it has always been in a professional capacity. I have never known any of those people. There are times when the story of a patient touches us.

The 35 year old man who died of cancer.
The 40 year old man who was on the ward for such a very long time while complication after complication tore at his body until he finally died.
The man who was so frustrating and demanding and yet when he unexpectedly died his family came in shocked grief and agreed to tissue donation.

These stories, and many more, have affected me, but none of them have actually prepared me for someone I know and interact with on a regular basis to be the one in the bed.

I found myself in Superstore, after leaving B to snuggle with her mom and watch Yo Gabba Gabba, almost in tears in the flower section trying to figure out what kind of flowers you buy for someone who is dying. Is purple too dark? Is yellow "the dying colour"? Daisy's? Roses? Carnations? Lilies? I mean, I wanna brighten up the room, but I don't want the flowers to be all "sorry you are dying. Eventually I picked some white flowers which I mixed with some bright yellow flowers, trusting that if I would love the flowers, then they'll be able to brighten the room.

In the end, the visit did not go as horribly as I feared. It was difficult to see her looking so much a shadow of herself. This woman is slightly terrifying, but she was very mild, and so quiet. Her voice so much softer than I was used to. She'd lost a lot of weight, and was so tired and pale. It was difficult to see, and I know it is only going to increase in difficulty.

It is my job to know that death is a part of living. That not everyone is cured, and that when someone dies it does not mean that we failed.

Blech. I can't think about this anymore. In other news, I took a picture or 2 of my cast for you, so you could see it, and see the grunge, and then I took a picture of my replacement splint/brace so you can admire how way better it is (minus the rock solid security that nothing was going to hurt my wrist). I shall attempt to have them upload and appear in the space below!

Apple Juice. In a bottle. Cuz I`m cool like that.

I was going to make tea, and then I realized the tea I wanted was at work and then I was sad. So I am having apple juice because that does not make me sad.

HI MORGAN! Thanks for following us, and your listing of what you`re drinking makes me super duper happy :)

I legitimately don`t know what to blog about tonight, I know that makes me so lame. Maybe it`s just how tired I am, I choose to blame that :p

Kris comes home on Thursday and he doesn`t go aaway again until Feb 14! I`m so excited, it`s just ridiculous. I can`t WAIT! And with a Winnipeg trip upcoming too, I seriously am so excited for the Winnipeg adventures that will be had. I have books to bring you too! Hurrah!!

So the crazy book I was telling you about is called Room by Emma Donoghue, it`s written from the perspective of a 5 year old boy who has been raised in a small shed by his mother who was kidnapped as a teenager. It`s incredible. Tragic, uplifting and an emotional rollercoaster. I have it in ereader format, I wonder if I can send it to you and you could read it on your blackberry or online or something...

My shift button is messed. Murphy hopped across the keyboard, darn dog. And I don`t remember how to fix it. I`ll have to google it. This blog is sooo stream of concious it`s silly! Jeez louise.

I would like to see a picture of your icky cast with the next post :p

I have a sad admission to make, I`m addicted to Teen Mom. It happened over Christmas break, it`s my trashy, exploiting tv show of the season. Terrible. But there`s this couple on there I just love, I`d watch the show just for them. I switch it when the crazy/sad girls segment comes on. Sigh. I`m addicted though, most certainly.

On Friday I babysat Ruby while Cali took Bella in to get shots, we had the best time playing outside in the snow with the dogs! The following picture is from that joy. I actually had a pretty great weekend, and the ones coming up are going to continue to get better! Yay! 3 with Kris home, then 1 lame weekend, then Manitoba! Woooohooooo!!!!!

Okay. So that`s my blog of random. I love you! And I`m coming to see you March 3rd!!!

The Icing on the Arm

Harrod's Earl Grey in a black mug with WICKED written in giant silver letters and a little green witch flying on a broom silouhette on it (I got it from the theatre in London as one of my Wicked souvenirs...yes, there were more than one souvenirs from Wicked).

**This photo has been added belatedly because I forgot the photo rule, but it is a random photo of the theatre in London where I got the mug**
I went skating on Sunday. It was great. Except I fell. There was a gouge in the ice and my skate caught in it, and there was just no recovering so I found myself on my face on the ice. I knew I had a sore hip coming. In the morning, I woke up and had a sore wrist on top of the sore hip.

Then I took Ives out for her morning walk and slipped on some ice and landed full on my wrist. Right on, eh? Two falls in two days. So needless to say I'm 99% certain my wrist is sprained, and 1% certain (in my imagination) that I have a broken wrist (but this imagined story goes along with a good old Grey's Anatomy adventure...).

In other news, 25 hasn't been so bad, I got new ski's today, and went skiing with Amanda which was a lot of fun. I <3>

Through The Grapevine, a white tea from David's Tea. In a beautiful purple, gold and pink china tea cup.

So, I failed badly the last few weeks. Why am I so terribly inconsistent? I don't know the answer, but if I did, many things would be quite different in my life :p

I'm working on my 101 in 1001 list, and it's taking forever. 101 things is and isn't that big of a list, but when it's short-ish term goals that are realistic-ish to achieve, it seems quite overwhleming. I'm at about 80 and I have a feeling they're going to start getting a little lame.

Vacation in BC was wonderful, I enjoyed the time more than anything. Being on our own schedule, no demands of us, it was remarkable, and made me realize that we did miss out by not going on a honeymoon. But, such is life. We're hoping to take a holiday for our one year anniversary, and even if that's 6 months away, I'm very much looking forward to it! Kris has never been to Disneyland, and I'm really hoping to get him there!!

How ridiculous is it that the highlight of my Christmas was the incredibly soft blanket and zebra print snuggie? But I adore them, adore. All this time I spent alone is MUCH better when tea, Murph and cuddly things are involved. Next step, a better couch! Speaking of Murph, he's mostly super good, he's fully indoor potty trained now, which hopefully will lead well into outdoor training too. I'm definitely learning he needs his downtime during the day though, even if I'm home all day he needs his kennel time, otherwise he gets crazy!! Poor little guy, it probably overstimulates him when he's used to being kenneled most days and then I come home and he's out all day!

And for today's pictures, I thought I'd snap a shot of the tea today, because I expected it to be purple, and it's very 'tea' colored! But, for some reason, they won't upload, so instead please enjoy this photo from their website of what it looks like as a loose leaf tea: